Meeting An Old Flame
Since I first made my first fairy door back in early 2020 I have been surprised, and indeed flattered, at the number of similar requests I have received. One of the strangest of these commissions came from the fairy in this photograph, let me relate her story.
You may recall that recently I reported the death of "Crusher" Pilewort. After reading his obituary in the Sandwort Gazette I decided to attend his funeral and it was there I met this fairy Sally Teasel. Naturally we discussed how we both came to be at Crusher's funeral. It turned out that in her youth, Sally had been a fire-eater in the Musk Slate Circus where Crusher and her had first met. Sally was obviously intrigued as to why I, as a human, had attended a fairy funeral so I explained how, over the last few years I had been making fairy doors. Well it turned out that Sally was in need of a new door herself and so it was she commissioned me to make one.
" Could you make the door so it reminds me of fire?" she said,"I miss my old job sometimes."
Well I must admit I was amused by her statement and it was, I confess, difficult to come up with an idea for the door. Sally assures me however she is very pleased with the final result and I suppose that can be described as heartwarming.
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I have recently reviewed questions relating to where and when to see fairies. Watching a fairy door is by far the best way to do this especially with a large glass of wine in hand (fairies are attracted to the smell of wine).
One has to be careful however as to which door to watch. One reader for example sent me a photo of this door and despite nightly vigils he failed to see a single fairy outside the door. This I found amusing as the door itself is not a door to a fairy house but the entrance to a wood storage shed. The moral is, if in doubt, consult the fairy directory of Warkworth residences before sitting outside in the cold for hours on end.
Mysterious Appearance Of Art Work In The Sky
Most fairy doors are places of magic, this door however is a place of mystery. No-one has entered it (not even in the 1960's when it made its bizarre appearance in the clouds.)
Most fairies are too frightened to enter it because of the strange noises they hear as they approach.
What's behind the door ? Is it good or bad ?
It's really up to you what you want to believe.
Since its first appearance in the 1960's the enigmatic painting has confounded the art world. At first Art critics attributed the work to the street artist Bankseed but lately the work has been reappraised by the renowned expert I. Nazzalott.
Miss. Nazzalott has made a careful study of the brushwork and has come to the conclusion that it is the work of the famed surrealist painter Salvador Daisy.
Salvador Daisy's bizarre character has on numerous past occasions raised eyebrows in the art world. She claims, for instance, to be able receive messages from outer-space tuned in on her plaits. She is also a notoriously bad timekeeper and is frequently late for press meetings, When questioned about this trait she said ,
" Darling, its not my fault I am late, all my clocks have melted !"
Miss I. Nazzalott M.A. (Oxo-cube)
Miss. Nazzalott has been quick to point out this is a work of art and rumours that have become associated with the piece are totally groundless.
The most common of these superstitions are:-
Causing hair loss when viewed during a full moon.
Causing fairy wings to lose power over salt water.
Causing milk to go sour if looked upon on the second Tuesday of the month.
Making fairy children enjoy eating sprouts.
Making winning the fairy lottery a certainty when the sky is in the west.
Finally Miss Nazzalott has said.
" This is an important piece of Art we should appreciate it for what it is and we have nothing to fear except fear itself. In fact I am tempted here to quote from that great human philosopher Spike Milligan who said of fear :
Things that go 'bump' in the night
Should not really give one a fright.
It's the hole in each ear
That lets in the fear,
That, and the absence of light!"
Fairy Weights & Measures Dept.
Behind this door is the local headquarters of the
"Fairy Weights & Measures Department."
Many units of measure that humans used in the past were directly derived from parts of the body, the "foot" is an obvious example. It was Hans Christian Andersen who, in the story of Thumbelina, suggested the use of the thumb to measure how tall fairies are. The device used for this measurement became known as a "Thumbometer." These days the fairy world still uses the the thumbometer to measure how tall fairies are but the units of measurement have been updated to "Degrees Fairyheight."
I Know A Path
I know a path by river side,
I know a door where secrets hide,
I know the faery folk within,
I know their names, I know their kin.
These things I know ,do they know me,
These faery folk inside the tree?
From an anthology entitled
" Warkworth Fairylore and Verse"
Collected by Violet Byrony
DEALER IN FAIRY SCRAP, RECYCLYING , ANTIQUES, ETC.
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Broken Rainbow Pieces, Unused Wands,
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Tel: Fairy Warkworth 621
A lot of people have asked me if any local fairy houses have been damaged by the recent storms. No one has asked for replacement doors so I am assuming that everyone is safe. I did note however that the Late Crusher Pilewort's tree has some substantial branches missing from it but the house itself seems undamaged. I also see that the property has been sold but, as yet, I have not met the new owners.
By now most readers will recognise the pine cone decoration above this door as signifying a building of historic importance. Indeed it was at these very premises that, in 1857, Michael Fairyday extracted a liquid from a young hen's egg and injected the pullet juice into an iron bar to create the world's first magnet.
These premises are the home of Daisy Sneezwort the celebrated fairy style-guru and influencer. She is perhaps most well known for her radical minimalist approach to interior design. Her house contains no interior walls only painted floor markings to delineate room boundaries although she still advocates real doors at the entrance to each room.When asked if she has a lock on the toilet doors she replied "Of course darling I may be a minimalist however I value my privacy and still expect people to maintain respectable standards of decency."
Humans seldom realise how much fairies make a positive contribution to their lives. Most people have heard of the small creatures called ticks that live within the thick fleece of sheep. These nasty parasites cause no end of problems for farmers who have to regularly dip the sheep to help control infestation. Fairies however have a more eco-friendly solution for they harvest these tiny creatures from the sheep and sell the ticks to clockmakers who add them to the clock mechanism to create that distinctive sound.
Behind this door lives Poppy Cudweed (Fellow of the Fairy Horological Institute)
Warkworth, despite being a small village, has many secret places hidden from the casual visitor. One such secret is an alleyway which runs through the very centre of the village itself. This path has always been a favourite haunt of fairies so, proceed along it in perfect silence and in doing so, you may just be lucky enough to spot a fairy.